It's not sunny in the subway.

Tourism in NYC; the bane of my existence. Every day they stroll in front of me in packs, at the slowest pace imaginable, forcing me into the street; nearly risking my life so that I don't have to be whacked in the face with a fanny pack or Nikon. They often ignore the presence of my IPOD, asking me for directions; shouting, "3!?? Canal St? Threeeeeeeeeeee??!! or"Times Square????" as if I have the words SUBWAY MAP tattooed on my forehead.

It's torturous enough that I already have to deal with their sneakers, visors, chinos, and mid -calf length socks every single day. Yet now i have to deal with their mockery too. What could a backpack clad European traveler possibly mock me, a native New Yorker, for? Try my Ray-Bans. Now, I am by no means a proponent of sunglasses at night, in restaurants or clubs. I, however, have no qualms about protecting my eyes from the downright ugliness of the subway.

On many an occasion, I have seen the most grotesque things a person can witness, right there under the bustling streets of the city I love the most. From public urination and far worse; to a plastic lawn chair, placed between the metal poles, because the man sitting in it "never gets a seat" and decided to bring his own. For some reason, I find people that consume food down there absolutely repulsive. Whether it be a banana or some Indian street food, it's dirty and disgusting and shouldn't be done. It's the equivalent of eating in a public restroom; while sitting on the toilet. That's right MTA, your subway is a toilet. A toilet that keeps upping the admission fee. You have to pee, right? And I need to get to work, stat.

I was on the 123 yesterday, when I noticed two very large Italian women staring at me curiously. It takes a lot for me to notice anything on the train, since I do my best to block out my surroundings until I reach ground level. The gawking turned to giggling, and then before I could figure out what the joke was, they simultaneously put a pair of sunglasses on, and began to cackle uncontrollably. It was at that point I realized they were laughing because it wasn't sunny in the subway. Immediately, an urge to display a necessary hand gesture came over me. But then a curious thing happened; I laughed back. I even waved. I'll be damned if they stereotype me as another self -important, crass American.

Go home turistas, I'm wearing my Ray-Bans so I don't have to look at you.

-KJ