Ask any woman to name one of the quintessential feel good movies of the 80’s, and there is a 90% probability that her answer will be “When Harry Met Sally.” Let’s be honest-the cult classic touches the heart and offers hordes of woman the greatest thing of all-hope. But, let’s also explore the fact that this small piece of cinema has single-handedly doomed countless women and the poor schmucks who don’t (and will never) realize that these women are their perfect Sallys. Thus making hope perhaps the most dangerous entity of all.
I admit I tear up every time that I watch the climactic scene (no, not the one where Sally/Pre-surgery Meg fakes the orgasm) where Harry finally declares his undying love for Sally. There is something so spot on about the dialogue that makes every woman feel that they ARE a “Sally.” Without a doubt, the things that Harry declares he loves about Sally are all things that we know our “Harry” loves about us! I get cold when it’s warm out, I have a hard time choosing a sandwich, I can crinkle my nose adorably (okay, it might not be quite as cute as when Meg Ryan does it), I KNOW that you want to talk to me before you go to sleep-you even called me last night!
And that is why when Harry Met Sally has ruined so many women. Countless women fell under its prey and got wrapped up in the message that the Harrys in their lives will eventually see that they are the only woman for them. It allows us to believe that, though they won’t openly admit it, they will eventually realize that we are the woman they want to spend the rest of their lives with (and of course, they want the rest of their lives to start as soon as possible). We all have a Harry in our life-that one guy that is always there for you, who you never think twice about calling, the one with whom there are never awkward silences, and the one who you listen to talk about the girls they are seeing, screwing, and/or pursuing and pretend that you don’t feel like you’ve just been punched in the chest. We sit there and listen and give them advice because we know that they just have to get it out of their system and go through the bad eggs for them to realize that their soul mate has been in front of them all along. We know that when they ask about the guys we are dating in an oddly protective and jealous manner, they are asking because they secretly want to rip out their throats and declare that we are theirs. Actually, let’s rewind-perhaps the worst scene in the movie is Harry’s infamous monologue where he explains that men and women can never be friends because the sex part will always get in the way. This crucial scene makes us believe that these men/friends can’t be with us without a sexual agenda- thereby screwing women even more. If we can have this amazing emotional connection wrapped up with the physical connection that *Harry feels for us, then we have the recipe for a lasting and beautiful relationship! We are meant to be together and it’s only a matter of time. Yes, we know it’s only a movie- but we secretly carry that shred of hope somewhere inside.
And that hope is what screws us. Because now that we have explored how and why we feel that “more than friends” is an inevitable reality, let’s look at the ugly truth behind it all. We are their friends, they never even thought that we could feel that way about them because it so far from how they feel about us, they can certainly be friends with us and not want to take it to a physical level, and we ARE their consolation prizes until they find the one who brings them the level of emotional and physical attractiveness that they want.
So here’s your silver lining. On New Year’s, your Harry probably won’t rush up and declare that you are the one he is meant to be with, but someone else’s Harry might. Because that’s the truth behind it all-that friend, who is too stupid to know what he’s missing, will find another girl who is not you and she will flirt back and maybe even have a long and happy future with him. But, maybe my Harry will find you and your Harry will find another, and her Harry will find me, and so on. So drink your champagne and don’t fret or lost sleep over the friend that will never be anything more than just that.
KZ
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